none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
