I only kidnapped one of them. chill
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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