Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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