Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
