You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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