So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
