exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
