I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm jealous of your bromance
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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