Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
