your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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