i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
