How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
