WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
