I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
