Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
porn star boner night. come get it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
