Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
