U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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