did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
