dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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