Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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