can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
