Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
