She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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