He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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