You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just had sex on a roof
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
