Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
