it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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