I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
