Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
