My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
