I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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