Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
