The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
just tell him i said nine months
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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