Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
