I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
