he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
