Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
