It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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