She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
