Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
