There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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