Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
