So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
