I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
