gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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