That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
