I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
