I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he wants to bone in the snuggie
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
