Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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