Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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